My Problem with Cougars

I just read about the National Cougar Convention. Taking place in Illinois, hundreds of people -- assumedly "older" women and younger men -- are expected to congregate to meet, mingle and potentially hook up.

First of all, I have no issue with women being older than their partners. I'm six years older than my husband, which is nothing compared to the age differential between many women who call themselves cougars and the men who date them, but still it's enough that eyebrows sometimes raise or people respond with a 'good for you' when I tell them how old we are. We married young - young for me, younger for him - and at the time I jokingly called him my child bride. Obviously, he was neither. When we met, neither one of us had any dream of weddings and walking down the aisle. But for one reason or another, we decided to make our togetherness legal. We've now been married almost 12 years and it feels fine.

So, what's my issue with cougars? Well, first off, it's the name. Did these women name themselves or did some pundit coin the term? And if it was a pundit, I'm pretty sure it was a man. Why would any woman want to see herself as a predator? Sure, cougars, in their four-legged form, are sleek and beautiful, but they're also ready to spring and attack on their prey, teeth bared and ready to pull flesh from bone. Is this really how women over 40 (actually, I've heard women in their 30s be lumped into this categorization, too) want to be seen? If you're youthful and take care of yourself, do you want to sink your teeth into your "victim".

A woman in the article about the conference says that cougars are a by-product of Kim Cattrall's character on Sex and the City and celebrities like Madonna dating younger men. But while older men have long made a public display of flaunting young women on their arms, there have also been plenty of women who date/marry/have relationships with men their junior. In my own family, my aunt spent many years with a man who was probably 15 years younger. In many ways, she was his mentor, having made a name and comfortable life for herself in the arts. Just as she had been introduced to that life through her ex-husband, she gave him access to her world. They also seemed to enjoy each other's company (although, frankly, how anyone could enjoy my aunt's company, I'll never know).

It saddens me that women's rights are now, in some communities, reduced to having the "right" to wear killer heels, get plastic surgery and a fake-and-bake tan, and go out hunting for men. Yes, people should enjoy their lives, but how long can a woman be a predator before she herself gets shot down or discarded by the pack?